The hardest part of recovery for me has been feeling.
For years, I ran from all of my feelings, happy/ sad/ afraid/ mad/ excited, etc. and covered them with a substance. That, honestly was the easy part. I only had one worry in the world- getting and staying high.
This is a reason why multiple relapses are a part of my story. I could get clean, but I couldn’t stay that way because I couldn’t deal with myself and my feelings.
The hard part was learning to deal with my emotions, all of them, good bad and indifferent.
That and leaving the past in the past- focusing on things that I could change, and not the things I couldn’t. Making amends wherever I could, leaving people, places, and things and replacing them with new positive people and things.
I’m not a time counter, but I have a few years of being clean and sober, by the grace of God (source power, universe, whatever you choose to call your higher power). I’ve become a different woman who holds herself accountable. Today I’m a loving, devoted, reliable, and honest friend, spouse, sister, daughter and mother.
Once I finally learned to move on from my past, my mistakes, etc. and DEAL with my emotions I was able to move on in my life and eventually achieve sobriety. I am SO thankful for my sobriety and the relationships I’m blessed with today.